There has been a sudden surge of visitors to my site… a whopping 12 people in one day! I guess people are starting to write their 101 Lists and getting referred to mine (?). My magnets are now for sale on my etsy shop – I am quite proud of myself for getting them up there! (see below for photos) I delayed and delayed and then just jumped in. Whew! I am going to make a bunch more for knitters again, too. After the Christmas rush of making presents for the kids.
I am very aware of this being one year since my back went out. I am thankful for where I am at, but also a little nervous of the anniversary. I think that’s because it’s the busiest time of the year, and the most stressful… I want to maintain my healthy back!! There have been ups and downs during the year, but things are getting better overall. I am not back to where I was before last Christmas, but I think this is a positive thing – I am able to listen to my body now and slow down when I need to.
I think the idea of a sketchbook exchange is so intriguing and I would love to try this… is there anyone out there who would like to join me in this? We would all get a new sketchbook, fill out a few pages and send it to the next person on the list. It would eventually get back to the original owner. Any takers?
We went to the annual school fair and it was insane, again! But also fun. I worked in the kitchen window at lunchtime – got to scream soup orders! I was running on adrenaline all day.
My friend was going to put my magnets on her table but she called last night to tell me that she didn’t have much room for them. She ended up only putting about 6 on her table. I gave her about 60 magnets and a display stand but she didn’t use it. In my opinion they would have fit fine, but I didn’t feel like I could ask her to put it up, since it was her table. I will definitely be getting my own table next year. I was quite disappointed as I was really pleased with how they turned out and I thought they would sell well…if they were displayed well. Oh WELL!
As my grandfather used to say… I am now in my 38th year.
The kids are home from school this week. We made white cupcakes yesterday and are going to make buttercream frosting today. Yum! And I am going dancing tonight.
…Here I am eating my cupcake with the kids! My wonderful friend Mandy made me this shirt and sent me this beautiful necklace.
I am tired of being scared! So sick of it. And I’m not talking about Hallowe’en!! People and their H1N1 death stories. Enough already. My son has the runs today and THAT is scaring me. I’ll be so happy when he has a solid poop! (sorry to gross you out). I can’t wait to go out for dinner tonight and hopefully get my mind off this.
I feel the lazies coming on. I don’t feel like doing anything… working out, drawing, sewing, painting. And this is the month where the most needs to get done. I volunteer my time to make crafts for the children’s-only store at the Faire, I want to have art to sell by early December, plus all the holiday presents to make. In my head it doesn’t seem like any particular item will take that long, but once I start doing it (particularly the hand -sewing) it takes longer than I thought it would.
Apparently I have very little confidence in my own artistic abilities today. I had decided to enter the poster contest at the school and last night, as I was working on it, I thought, “I probably won’t win, anyway” and “I don’t care”. Now, I obviously do care or I wouldn’t be thinking about it so much. I decided to change my thoughts to “I probably will win” (but then I added on – “because there probably isn’t anyone else entering it”). Today I found out one of my friends is entering and immediately I start thinking again that I won’t win, that she is a better artist. Somehow I have it in my head that if I can prove to myself that I am better than someone else, then that proves that I am good. Somehow, no matter how much positive feedback I get, it is never enough, or it’s just not good enough. The root of all this is … of course, my primary message from when I was little… “I’m just not good enough” topped off with a little “I am not a real artist”. The flip side of this is that I sometimes look at my work and love it, know it’s good, claim it, and want to share it, without needing to be better than anyone. However, today is not that place. Luckily I am not so far down in the hole like I would have been several years ago. I can recognize my thoughts for what they are, and attempt to change them.
My affirmations for today then…
I am an artist.
I am a great artist.
I enjoy looking at my work.
I went dancing last night and brought some of my art for the little altar set up there. I had some great feedback and some people want to purchase them, which means I had to figure out how much I would ask. Today I timed how long it took to finish a piece, and it worked out to about 1/2 and hour, which means that (according the the formula someone mentioned.. take your materials cost +(how much per hour you should be paid)X time to create piece) and then multiply by 3) my estimate was pretty much bang on. What I find really interesting is how my mind works though. After all this great feedback, I still find that I am scared to try again, because it’ll never live up to what I just created. It won’t be as good. Man, I wish Louise Hay could implant her affirmation-self into my brain and stay put. I am trying to keep my thoughts positive… really, I am.
So anyway, today I woke up very tired, and took the girls for their checkup. The doc asked if we have given them their H1N1 shots, and POW… here I go again, getting all freaked out and scared. I don’t like the idea of flu shots, in general, but she just about had me convinced that I should get these for our whole family. I hate feeling this vulnerable and scared when it comes to the kids. I think that’s why I am feeling like I am coming down with something – the combo of being tired and totally freaking scared. While I was lying with my son, as he fell asleep, I tested how I would feel if we just went ahead and got the shots. I felt much more relaxed. I’ll do some more research first before we decide, but I think I know my answer.
I just uploaded some more drawings to Flickr and I asked my hubby, “Do you think anyone will like these?”. While I was on Flickr I could see people adding my drawings as favorites when I refreshed the page. This is great – this is what I was hoping for – that people would like them. Then there is that voice inside that says, “Yeah, but what do they know anyway?” Frickin’ shut up, voice!!! I like my work, I like my work, I like my work. Who cares if anyone else does? Ok, I do, but is that so bad? If nobody cared if anyone else liked their art, would they even bother to share it? Seriously, I need to reread that entry on compliments in Simple Abundance… now. And I need to realize that it’s okay to like my own work and admit it. Jeez.
